Confucious Says...

I've been carrying these tattered fortunes in my wallet for the past few months. They are from a wonderful little restaurant called Mike's Mandarin Kitchen, where we hold our business meetings.

I decided to add them today because we are now officially in the top 10 on the waiting list! So maybe, just maybe, these fortunes will come true. The winter months have always been lucky for us, having been married on December 3rd...18 years this year! AND we are more than ready to hear pleasant news of a personal nature!

We also spurged for Impulse Buy #3! We own a baby jogger. Costco comes through once again. Slowly, but surely, there are signs that a baby may someday enter our home!

Shopping in the Baby Aisle!

Jynger, the director of the India program at Dillon, let us know that she was going to India. She was going to be meeting with Ms. Roy to go over the new adoption guidelines (like the new age requirements etc.). She mentioned that the orphanage was in need of some items if anyone would like to make a donation.

An excuse to shop in a baby aisle!! I was all over it. I picked up a few items on the list: crib sheets, plastic pants, and newborn nipples. Pat and I mailed off the items on Saturday and then headed down the street for a coffee at Art-n-Soul, one of our weekend hangouts. As we sipped our lattes, we were both day dreaming about you. Wouldn't it be neat if you got to use the items we sent? We imagined you laying on the mint green sheets or scooting around in the cute little pink flowered plastic pants. I guess that is something we will never know, but it is fun to imagine it!

Jynger will be home (to Tulsa) on July 5th. I hope she brings good news for those of us awaiting a referral. I hope, I hope!

Baby Wellness 101

We were on the road at 5:30 am on June 10, 2006 headed toward Portland, Oregon for an International Adoption Baby Wellness class.(Grande Starbucks in hand!) Neither one of knew what to expect, but were anxious to gather information about babies in our attempt at being prepared. The class was sponsored by The Northwest Adoptive Familes Association and was being held at Legacy Emanuel Hospital.

When we arrived, we were greeted by a couple of NAFA members. They escorted us to a table full of anatomically correct baby dolls. Pat was instructed to pick out his daughter and then diaper and dress her. Before we knew what was happening, this infant was put into a front loading baby carrier and strapped to Pat's chest. "She is your responsibility for the rest of the day", we were told, "try out the restroom and caferteria with a front loader, you'll need the experience." Pat, bless his heart, was such a good sport!

The day consisted of videos, lectures, slides and even a live demonstration of proper bathing techniques taught by an RN that works in the NICU at the hospital. Our bathing model was a boy from Korea who had been with his forever family for just 2 weeks and who was cute as a button.

We learned all kinds of information and met some very nice people, including 30 parents-to-be, just like us...waiting. Meeting these people left a lasting impression on both of us. We realized that our story is not much different than other adoptive parents, although we were the only couple waiting for an Indian princess :)! There were a couple of families, in particular, who are waiting for children from Guatemala. Their story was heart wrenching...they have had their referrals since these children were days old and almost a year later, only have a picture to hold of a child that experiences new things everyday without them. I pray that we will not experience these kinds of delays.

The day concluded with an adoptive adult telling her story of adoption from her birth country–China. It was a moving story about growing up in a rural part of Idaho where no one looked like her. A wonderful way to leave the day...wondering about how you will see your new world...through your eyes!

Cooking II

I've advanced! I just completed a hands-on class for Indian cooking. This time we learned how to prepare another curry dish, mango lassis, puri bread, samosas and a dessert. Again, all yummy. I hope that I learn to make a dish that we can serve for birthdays or special occassions. A new tradition!

Sumitra, the chef, took some time after the class to share with a few us the proper way to eat with one's fingers. She showed us to cup our fingers and use our thumb as a scoop to sort of shovel the food into your mouth without actually having to put your fingers IN your mouth. She also told us about how good Indian food tastes when eaten off of banana leaves!

I have so enjoyed learning about the Indian culture. I hope our daughter(s) enjoy it too. It is part of why we chose International Adoption; so we can learn about another culture together.

We have also started gathering some children's books about India, some in the Bengali language. I guess we better get crackin' starting to learn some of this stuff ;)

Impulse Buy #2?

Britax never goes on sale..but they did! It must be a sign. We bought our first important purchase. A carseat! Because of the age upset, we are a little leary of something happening wrong, so it sits in the box in the closet with the receipt taped to the top :)

I also joined the Dillon forum to try and keep up with what is going on with the other people who are on the waiting list. It is a good and bad thing. It is fun to listen to other people's adoption stories, but it makes waiting kinda hard...there are so many families in front of us. I am determined not to get bummed, but use this site as a tool for gathering information for when it becomes our turn. The pictures of all the dear little ones just makes your heart ache wondering if our little one is born and waiting for us to find her? All in good time...

Miracles DO Happen!

Well, I have turned 43 (April 2006) and last month Pat turned 42 (March 2006). Normally birthdays would be happy times with presents and cake, but not this year. We are now a combined 85 which means if our adoption does not go through before next March 2007 we will be too old.

Referrals have slowed and we fear that we are in trouble. I had contacted Jynger, the director of the India program at Dillon, and had been assurred that this issue was workable and that we should contact her again after the birthdays. I assumed that workable meant we would be moved up the list so that our adoption could be finished in plenty of time.

I was so excited to contact Jynger again...I knew this meant we would get some news about when we would be receiving our referral for a child. I was horribly wrong. The solutions offered, were to change country programs or take a chance that we would receive a referral before next March 2007! WOW! What a blow. Patrick and I were dumb founded.

Unfortunatley, Jynger was out of town for the whole next week at an adoption conference in Washington, DC. There was no one to talk to about this devastating news. We cried lots of tears and were so sad as we waited.

Jynger called me the Monday she returned. We discussed our options...there weren't many. To switch country programs would be like starting all over...plus, we had our hearts set on India. And at #11 on the list, taking a risk that a referral would come through for us before March 2007 was only setting us up for a heart break. She said she thought that there were some new guldelines coming from the Indian government about adoption requirements, but that she couldn't go public with them until she received the official word. "Could we please hold tight a couple of days?"

It was the longest couple of days of my life, but sooooo worth it. Jynger called back and told us that the Indian government had unexpectedly changed their requirements for the age of adopting parents. Out of the blue, the age requirement was changed from a combined 86 years to a combined 90 years! Miracles DO happen. We were so happy. Pat even did the happy dance. That night we celebrated with champagne and dinner out. The DEADLINE had been lifted. Waiting would be easy now.

In my heart of hearts, I have to believe that mom was up in heaven pulling strings for us! We were so blessed that day!

India, India everywhere!!

Indian Cooking - I...I'll take it! It was a very interesting class. Sumitra, the chef, is from South India where the people are mostly vegetarian. She taught us how to make ghee rice, a curry dish, a salad and a sweetened rice dessert. It was all yummy, the smells are fabulous and best of all, all the recipes seem fairly easy to prepare. I love listening to Sumitra's voice and hearing her tell about India.

We rented Born into Brothels. This story is so moving and reminded us that every place has areas that are not so nice. The children in the film were beautiful and each of their stories was a song of hope.

Two Time magazines have featured stories on India and its thriving economy and technological advancements. Very interesting stuff.

We join Mark, Beth, Connor and Malini for an Indian buffet at a new restaurant. The kids love Mango Lassi drinks. Pat loves the Naan bread. I love it all!

Umma Dee Dee

Throughout the whole adoption process, we were caring for your Umma Dee Dee. She had cancer that couldn't be fixed. One of my greatest joys in her last year, was telling her about you. I couldn't tell her what you looked like or anything like that, but I told her about the idea of you entering our lives. She was so excited about that.

You would have loved her. She made the best sugar cookies with icing and sprinkles on top at Christmas time. The tree shaped ones tasted the best. She also loved to give hugs and kisses.

She always asked me if we had any more news about when you were coming. I think she knew that she was too sick to actually meet you and I realized it too. I tried to think of a way that you would be able to touch her and she you. I had all of your grandparents leave their handprint in brightly colored paint on a picture I am making for you. Umma Dee Dee picked purple paint. She was very weak, but managed a smile and enjoyed our art project very much. This picture will hang in your room so you can touch any of them anytime you want.

December 8th, 2005

Sadly, Umma Dee Dee passed away on December 8th, 2005. She wanted to meet you so much. The last moments I had talking with her were about you. I was holding her hand and was very close to her face. She was heavily sedated, and could not talk, but I know she heard and understood everything I said. I told her that I would make sure that you know who she was and all of the wonderful things about her. I also told her that I had a secret for a long long time and was waiting for the right time to tell her. The secret was that we would name you after her. You will be known as Dee Dee. I hope it suits you :) Umma Dee Dee was very pleased about this. She gave me a look that I will never forget and she stared directly into my eyes...a look that went all the way into me...into my heart.

On this day, we received our first letter from US Embassy in New Delhi, India. We received our 171-H or the Notice of Favorable Determination Concerning Application for Advance Processing of Orphan Petition. It means we can be parents!

Impulse Buy #1?

In November 2005, we attended the Art with Heart non-profit event. One of the silent auction items was the most darling pillow case dress with an embroidered front and a matching coral chenille jacket that I just fell in love with. Patrick and I had decided not to purchase anything until we were positive that this adoption was going to happen. It was a protective measure to help spare our emotions if, for some reason, we could not adopt. Well, Patrick saw the little dress and threw our level headed idea out the window. As the auction was ready to close, we hovered over the bidding sheet. That dress would be ours! It is...and it hangs in your closet waiting for you to come home!

It was at this time that we realized we were falling in love with you, even though we had no idea who you were or if you were even born. (Keep in mind that we still have no idea if you are one or two!) Up to this point I was afraid to imagine your little face or tiny hands or cute little chubby body, but it just happened and now I can't stop thinking about you!

We began to wonder all about you. What will you look like? Will your hair be curly or straight? What will your voice sound like? I hope you won't be painfully shy like I was :), but we will happily work through whatever comes.

We also began to envision our lives together. Pat and I like to take long walks on the weekends with the poochies and we always end up talking about the day we have you with us in the baby jogger. Or, the wonderfully comforting feeling of having you FINALLY falling asleep upstairs in your room as we watch the movies we've rented downstairs –with the sound kept low, of course :) We discuss what the long plane ride will be like, bringing you to your new home from India. Yikes!! Pat says we will just apologize to everyone around us before taking off. That way we've got it covered. (I secretly know you'll be an angel!)

We talk about your room and how we will paint and decorate. We've been saving our favorite clothes for years...since we got married. My hope was that we could use them to make an heirloom quilt for you. Guess I better get sewing!

All of this...because of a cute little pillowcase dress!

FAQ

Now that pretty much everyone knew about our adoption plans the flood of questions started coming in.

Q Why International Adoption?
A Well, when I had my first professional graphic art/design job, I used to typeset a magazine called Adoption Today. I think it is still published. Anyway, it was then that I read wonderful adoption stories and thought what a wonderful experience International Adoption could be for me.

Q Why India?
A Patrick had an Aunt...Aunt Mary, who he was extremely fond of. She introduced us to the wonders of the Indian culture. She wasn't of Indian descent, but she and her husband lived in Pakistan for a few years. I believe she was involved in International studies and she loved the diversity of other cultures. I will never forget my first visit to her home in Georgetown. You entered the living room and stepped onto a dense tapestry rug that carpeted the floor. The room was flanked by two lamps with camel skin lamp shades that gave off a golden light and a live bamboo plant grew in a pot in the corner (This was long before bamboo was popular). It was at this first meeting that I was introduced to Indian food. We had a delicious chicken, apple and raisin dish that instantly left perspiration on your brow with the first bite. The intoxicating spices took you thousands of miles away...we were in India! The last time we saw Aunt Mary was at Pat's sister, Lisa's wedding. She came dressed in a brilliant sari, complete with a bindi!

Q Why a girl?
A Pat says it would be perfect...his princess and soccer player, all in one (or two)!

Q Why does it take so long to adopt?
A The timeline is effected by so many things. The most important reason is that the Indian government is trying to do the best thing for all of it's children. Patrick and I are content to wait, knowing that God will bring our family together one way or the other. All good things are worth waiting for :)

We Are on the LIST!

October 11, 2005, we completed and sent in our dossier! It is the packet of information about us that is sent to India to make sure we comply with all of their requirements to adopt. Every document had to be certified notarized! That is a lot of paperwork and it includes our homestudy report.

The best news is that we are on the LIST! We are officially waiting for a referral of our child/children. Remember, we still don't know if there are one or two, but we will feel blessed either way.

The average wait time is 9 to 12 months from this date for a referral and then another 4 to 7 months waiting on a VISA. These numbers are subject to change, but hopefully will be shorter :) This puts us traveling hopefully by the end of 2006. And it also means that our girl/girls should be ready to be born anytime! It is all so exciting.

Another looming factor is our age. Patrick and I can only have a combined age of 86 to adopt from India. We are getting dangerously close to that now. YIKES!

Moo!

US Citizenship and Immigration Services requests our presence on October 25, 2005 at 11am for fingerprinting!

WOW! What an eye-opening experience. We arrived, were given a numbered tag and then were herded (moo!!) into a room with row after row of chairs and a sea of people. There was every imaginable nationality represented in that room; a great people watching spot! Some people looked westernized, while others were colorfully clad in clothing appropriate to where they came from.

We waited, and waited and waited. It became apparent that this was an all day excursion. Occasionally, a woman would enter the room and call out a set of numbers. That numbered tag we got when we entered was like gold. There was no leaving the room, hence lose your spot in the order, so Pat and I lunched on what we could buy from the vending machine with the change we managed to scrounge between the two of us.

Finally, after assisting several very confused people who were struggling with English, our turn came. We were surprised to find that fingerprints are now scanned...no more black ink! We were in and out of there in 5 minutes! The best part was we got to tell the fingerprinters the reason for being there...our pending adoption! It always seems to strike up the best conversations!

The Ball Barely Gets Rollin'

In March 2005, Patrick is laid off from his job. He was put in an unethical situation and would not stand for it (I was so proud of him for standing up for what he thought was right!) But now, we were faced with the problem of having him be out of work.

We continued to move forward by starting our 1-600A form (Application for Advance Processing of Orphan Petition) which was approved by Citizen & Immigration Services on May 15, 2005. Next step, waiting for an appointment for FINGERPRINTING!

By July 2005, we were ready to have our homestudy done, part of which is about our employment. Yikes!! The ball barely got rollin' and now we have a problem. We had to place our first "panic mode" phone call to Dillon. This is when we realized that we had made a good decision to adopt through Dillon. They were so calm on the phone and assured us that people change their jobs during the adoption process all the time (ie: take a breath!). So we did.

Children's Home Society did our home study. It consisted of interviews, and a visit to our home. Both representatives were so nice. Patrick and I were both so nervous. I suppose it is only natural to try and impress, but I resisted the urge to bake cookies or anything like that :). The meeting went great. It was like we had known them forever, except the conversations were all about us and we didn't find out anything about them!

During the homestudy, we were told about a family who also adopted a little girl from India, named Malini who had just turned 5. We were dying to hear another families adoptive story and so we met them one sunny afternoon in a local park. After a full day of talk, talk, talking, we paused for an ice cream. It dawned on Malini as she sat on her daddy's lap eating ice cream that she didn't really understand who we were, so she asked her daddy. He told her that we were adopting a little girl from India too. I will never forget her response. She said, " OH! Can I watch?" We explained it wasn't happening that day and all got a good chuckle out of it.

Is It A Sign?

I began receiving a magazine called Working Mother...which was funny because it was addressed to Patricia! One day I collected the mail with my magazine on the bottom of the stack. I absent mindedly flipped over the stack of mail revealing the back of the magazine and there was an advertisement. The picture was of a spider's web with words spelled out within the webbing. It said, "You will have twins in 16 months!" WOW! Is it a sign? It still gives me shivers!

Independence Day


In August 2005, we celebrated India's Independence Day with Malini and her family. It was a wonderful event. The festivities were filled with music and dance that told the history of the evolving country. Everyone was dressed in their beautiful saris in every color in the rainbow. Patrick and I really stuck out at this event! Dinner was served at dusk on this extremely hot day, so we chose to eat our delicious curry outside. All the teenagers were gathered along the parking lot talking, probably dying to leave the event that as teenagers seemed boring, I'm sure. A car pulled up along side the gaggle of teenagers, the driver cranked the stereo and got out which brought the crowd to life. The music was obviously from a Bollywood film and all the kids knew it, as well as, the choreographed dance moves that went with it. The scene was fascinating to watch. First the girls sang and danced and then were echoed by the boys just like the movie. It was so hard not to stare at our private show. The kids were oblivious to us watching; the amazing event unfolding as if the dancers were performing on auto pilot. And then, just as quickly as it started, the music ended, the formation of dancers dispersed and the kids went back to talking. It was just too cool!

Finally, on September 15, 2005 our homestudy was complete and Patrick was employed. Yeah!

In Twos or Threes!

Application 2 arrived, February 2005! We were really on our way. We followed Dillon's suggestion of starting a 3-ring binder to keep track of all of our papers. We were shocked by how much paperwork there was to fill out. Tracking down birth certificates, wedding license, and writing an autobiography of ourselves...reminded us both of writing that "What I did Last Summer " essay in grade school. Plus, our secret was out; part of the application package required letters of recommendation from our friends. Naturally, everyone was thrilled about our good news!

Somewhere along the way, I read or heard that it was a good idea to request all the documents in triplicate. Boy! has that saved a lot of time along the way.

It was also during this time that we had to commit to our desires. We were truly set on India from the start. Patrick had strong feelings for wanting a girl. Both of us wanted an infant and I sort of reasoned Pat into circling the twins box! (Although we are told that twins are rare.)

We both realize that the whole adoption process can take years, but when each request for a form to fill out or a document to be supplied came, we felt this tremendous sense of urgency to get it completed immediately. Although it seems ridiculous, the faster we send in our application, the sooner we will meet our daughter and we hurried to save even just one second.

We sent in our Application 2 on February 15, 2005. Milestone number 2 is crossed. We celebrated with dinner and a movie...Gateway to India for dinner and then we rented "Monsoon Wedding". Funny, India is popping up EVERYWHERE!

Testing the Water!

We'd visited the Dillon International site a thousand times before we finally sent away for the adoption package. I guess it is sort of like dipping your toe in the water before diving right in.

Patrick and I had talked over the scenario of becoming a family a thousand times too and as I envisioned our future together, just couldn't image him NOT becoming a father. It is a title that suits him to a T.

Call it a New Year's resolution; we decided that in January 2005 we were going to become a family and we completed Application 1.

Two weeks later, our application was accepted; first mile stone passed.