A Day Among Days

 Forever Family Day 2013 - Gateway to India

Doing the “day to day”, takes all day every day. So much so, that it often takes an anniversary or major milestone, to cause me to pause long enough to survey our current situation. Casting a glance this way and that to look for a bit of wood to knock, I am happy to report that we are doing okay, more than okay really. Today, instead of diligently putting my head down and trudging forward, I am going to wallow a bit in this happy place.

On September 18th, we celebrated two major milestones -Treya’s anniversary of becoming a Ross in the courts here in the USA, and Devi’s 6th anniversary of her forever family day.  A quick glance at what that looks like finds us parenting a 4 and a half year old tall tough nut. Treya has sprouted about 3 and half inches since June. She is our bossy bear, who considers herself second in command to mom and dad, often landing herself in trouble for mimicking our correction of Devi. Purely trying to help, I'm sure...this personality trait has never waned since she joined our family. She is our ballet dancing t-shirt and jeans tomboy, who currently lives for soccer and swimming. Most days she vacillates from being a kitty, a puppy or a pony, but never a little girl. The longer this animal phase goes on the more it tries my patience with the child who licks my hand, or answers my questions with panting, neighs, or puppy whines. She has turned into our little comedian though, occasionally struggling to know when a laugh is appropriate and when it is not. Treya delights in showing just how tight she can hug, or how many times, she can kiss your lips in quick succession before you crack a smile. She loves to surprise us in the mornings, having made her own bed, dressed herself for the day and combed her own hair. Her volume continues to be loud and louder and she still copies Devi’s every move. We are bracing ourselves for a new phase that has begun to appear as our very competitive girl discovers that the world is not always fair and by golly she is determined to tell you all about that in a very loud voice where ever we might be. Most recently I found myself wildly shushing her voice as she spoke, “Mommy, dat woman took our spot in line...no cuts...dats not fair!” Yikers. 

Devi is a 6 3/4 year old toothless, tall and lean dress wearing girl, and unlike the  behavioral struggles she faced in kindergarten, has taken the first grade by storm. This year her biggest struggle is taking time to eat her lunch, which comes home, more often than not, uneaten even when we remind her that Treya is just 2 and a half inches shorter than she and gaining on her.  She forever has her nose in a book, often reading sections of her favorites over and over, preferring to read her favorite numbered chapters first, rather than the whole book from cover to cover. She still enjoys princess dress up, building blanket forts, animals of any kind and for some unknown reason talks with a British accent much of the time. Our daughter who once would decline Oreos for carrot sticks, now has announced she only likes sugar. In fact, recently when I asked her to describe what heaven would be like, she said it was just like walking through Candyland for real, where you could eat as much of it as you wanted anytime you wanted, and then quickly added that her Grandma DeeDee, Opa, and our dogs Konrad and Cayenne would be there to eat it with her. She has taken the stance that being the only girl at her daycare with dark skin and dark hair makes her unique and special and she beams when we talk about it and would prefer to stay clear of the kids who “don’t try their hardest” in school.

Sharing Cotton Candy at the Puyallup Fair

As I’ve come to realize; however, parenting is a non-stop job with little solid ground to stand upon on most days. There seems to be a lot of second guessing going on, as Pat and I discuss the days events before our eyes close at the end of each day. Were we too soft, too harsh, not sympathetic enough, not understanding of their opinions, were we just manipulated and just figuring it out now, or favoring one child’s side over another?  Much of the time I feel like a goalie facing the free kicks of the opposing team in the last seconds of a tied game, with little time to analyze the ball in flight or anticipate in which direction it may fly. It just seems that the kids have an uncanny way of painting us into a disciplining corner, where to be consistent and fair, while not blowing one’s top or acting irrational can sometimes be difficult or painful. How many times have I drawn a disciplinary line and as soon as the words leave my lips, I start praying that the kids don’t call my bluff for there is no possible way on God’s green earth I could ever “never let them have family movie night again in their lives”,  or “just take them to school naked”, or “just let the brush and comb stay in their hair forever”. One could pretty much inject any absurd phrase, and no doubt either Pat or I have succumb to saying something close to it and cringing after. Thankfully, the kids, at this point still take us seriously, but I fear we’ve got about one more year, before these kinds of threats will cause our children to fall on the floor in an all out belly laugh. Right now we are both relieved that the girls love to spend time with us, forever asking us to tell them stories about when we were young and especially the stories where we got into mischief.

One would think maneuvering through our days listening to a British child and petting the extra dog we’ve acquired, otherwise known as our Indian born children, that there would be no extra time to think of much else for fear of losing one's mind. But there are still times like these, these milestones, were I still find it hard to fathom that we have been entrusted to guide and direct these beautiful gifts to adulthood. To say that I love them, are not words enough to express how deeply they are rooted to my soul. My heart soars with their triumphs, and aches with their struggles, in ways that celebrating a milestone or counting an anniversary could never fully express. Though the story we tell them is that we filled out human sized stacks of papers and forms, waited for the mercy of a judge, and traveled on a plane, a taxi, a bus, a train, a boat, on an elephant, in an auto rickshaw and made the final journey on foot to get to the place where they lived until we could come for them, the truth is much more simple. God had a plan and it began the moment they were simply placed into my arms. With that transfer of body weight, we took on an unbelievable privilege and a monumental sense of responsibility, and raising our girls became far more than just about love. This job, the most important one of my life, I hope and pray that I will lend it justice, but for now I love that they teach far more than they are taught and I am so willing to learn. Happy Adoption Day Treya, my rutabaga and Happy Forever Family day to Devi, my little turnip! We love you so much!