Windless Sails

Natural tendencies being what they are, immediately after happy dancing in motor oil with the news of our NOC, I fired off the stream of emails to ask about the next steps. Time lines - specifically - trying to determine just when it would be safe to bring the suitcases out of the closet. Relying on experience, I calculated on my fingers how many months we waited between NOC and guardianship for Devi. Doing the math, and applying it to Treya’s situation that would have us India bound around the first of the year. This is all so premature given the huge steps that still lay ahead, but after such a long wait, our longing hearts just want to get on a plane.

The reply to my inquiry from our agency, however, drained the joy from my body, taking with it the last bit of wind from my billowing sails. We were told the average time frame for receiving guardianship in India is now taking 5-6 months, NOT the 1-2 that I had anticipated. Having done this once before, I was prepared for the emotional let down of making it to the exhilarating head of the NOC line, only to step to the back of the guardianship one, but had no idea that that line was so incredibly slow moving and long. At this time of year, it reminds me of the scene in the movie The Christmas Story, when Ralphie steps into line to see Santa, only to be tapped on the shoulder by an impatient adult who directs him to the real back of the line, wrapped two times around the store encased in red velvet ropes.

Amongst other things, the idea of updating a home study report, redoing our fingerprints again, re-submitting our I-800 form handling all the other documents that are slowly ebbing toward their expirations is exhausting just to mention. At the core, the swirl of the numbers, ages, and months once again stirs the analytical traits inside me and it becomes my demise, knowing all too well that what is required is faith, focusing on the task at hand and perseverance.

Wanting to reach for a cookie (actually the whole bag), and thinking better of it, I went jogging in the rain instead. Something about miles of the steady rhythm of my pounding feet can bring clarity, especially in the crispness of the fall air. It is out on one of these jaunts that emotion usually is released for me, but today the depth of my sadness and frustration leaves me even too low to conger a tear. I realize that I just want to be mad at someone, but the reality is there is no one to blame; there is no person to be mad with. Slowly coming around, I humbly recount how quickly I dismissed my joy over our No Objection Certificate, reminding myself that CARA had every reason to say no to us if they wanted to. The fact that a family nearly 5 years over the age limit is still thought of favorably to adopt a child not yet 2 is a miracle, from such a conservative group. This feat is true cause for celebration.

After further conversation with our adoption agency today, I found that guardianship in the specific region of Pune were Treya is living averages around 2-3 months; a much more manageable number and a welcomed reprieve. Once again, I can exhale without getting that unnerving pain in my gut! It does confirm our harsh reality; we will indeed miss another Christmas, New Years and her second birthday together. With luck, February travel, encompassing the hearts and love of Valentine’s day, will be our lucky month. In the meantime, we have been asked to put together a photo book to send to Sonalika so that she might start becoming familiar with her new family. This is yet another reason to celebrate as Sonalika will soon learn she has a family. I hope this brings her joy. Little does she know it, we love her so deeply that at times like this it hurts.

There has been a change in the weather. The wind has once again kicked up and we are hoping for some smooth sailing.